AliceWednesday 22 Nov 2017 2:00 pm
With the explosion of dating websites and apps, it’s now easier to get a first date than ever before.
But not all first dates are created equal.
Some are good. Some are OK, but lack the elusive spark.
And some are just downright awful.
But the plus side of bad dates is that they make great stories.
While a string of boring dates can make you lose the will to live, at least with a bad date you can look back and laugh. And entertain others with it.
So for your amusement, here’s a collection of first date disasters.
Matched with a guy on Tinder who was only in town for the weekend. We arranged to get drinks and just hang out.
When I arrived at the bar, we had a nice conversation for about five minutes, until he was like ‘OK, I have to come clean. I asked another girl here too’.
Apparently, she was weird, and he was trying to get rid of her but couldn’t.
Two seconds later, the girl appeared, and he was right – she was weird.
She made passive aggressive conversation with me for about a minute, until she cut me off and was like ‘so you’d better back off b*tch. Are you trying to steal my date or something?’
I stepped in closer and asked if she was threatening me (legit thought we were about to fight).
Luckily she walked away. I told the guy to f**k off and left.
I had a very mundane date with a barrister. He was fairly attractive (and, of course, successful), but he was really arrogant.
I called it a night and left early. He then texted me telling me he didn’t want to date me, but he was wondering if I’d like to join him for champagne sometime and we could set up a monthly financial arrangement.
Yes, like a sugar daddy. He was 30.
One guy was too scared to make eye contact and waved at the floor when saying hello to me.
He then hid in the bathroom to eat his bar snacks.
Went on a Tinder date to Ice Bar in London.
After a few drinks, I was feeling hungry, so I suggested going to TGIs down the road. After mains, we got desert.
Shortly after she started eating, I noticed that her face was kind of red. Then it went very red and puffy.
I told her there was something wrong with her face and asked if she was OK, but by this point she couldn’t talk properly.
She indicated that there was an epipen in her bag, so I grabbed it, she tried to inject herself, but the epipen failed to deploy.
I called 999, and the phone operator kept asking me loads of questions about her and I was like ‘I DON’T KNOW I ONLY MET HER TODAY’.
The ambulance arrived and took us to the hospital, and I dropped her back home five hours later.
On the plus side though, we got free TGIs.
Met a guy for drinks at a bar. He got really drunk, and ended the night by punching someone at the taxi rank.
He texted me at 6am informing me he’d dislocated his shoulder.
He kept going to the toilet to snort cocaine. He denied it, but all of that sniffing and wiping his nose? Come on.
He then took me to this pub where his brother was.
His brother had Short Man Syndrome, and kept trying to start fights with everyone.
So my date spent the night alternating between trying to calm his brother down, and snorting more drugs.
I chatted to his mates for a bit, then left.
He then texted asking for a second date.
Went on a date with a male stripper.
He looked straight down at my boobs and told me he prefers boob jobs.
But he was very hot, and I was very, very young, so later on we had sex in his car.
However, we’d left the windows down, ended up getting eaten alive my mosquitos, and he started freaking out because of his career.